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Australian Immigration Daily News
Breaking Australian immigration news brought to you by Migration Alliance and associated bloggers.
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Funniest things clients have said to RMAs
The following are a selection of the responses from the entries received by RMAs to 'the funniest thing' compeition:
The funniest thing from the client that I have heard from the client was when I received a message from one of my Filipino client in which she called me Mr Prime Minister of Australia, Alexander Brodsky, and said that she believed in me more than she does in G-d and asked me to grant her and her family a visa to stay in Australia.
Following the grant of her visa, she attended the office and said that if she had not called me Prime Minister of Australia, the G-d would not have given her and her family a visa to stay in this beautiful country. Every now and then she sends me short messages to thank me and reminds that the G-d will always be on my side.
Recently, she sent me a message asking whether I could help bringing into Australia her cousin and added that she would call me Mr PM again.
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I was doing Partner Visa for a client for and I requested evidence of the genuineness of their relationship. I suggested evidence amongst other things, evidence such as photos etc. One week later my client attended my office and handed me the evidence, he also provided me with a CD, I asked what was on the CD, he said that he and his wife created a video of them having sex in various positions so that Immigration would know the relationship is truly genuine, he stated that he had performed “new and tricky” positions which he had never tried.
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I had the following enquiry about a birth certificate where it was alleged that the name of the Father could not be right because he was in Australia throughout the conception. I replied as follows:
“Ok so was the father’s name “Almighty” or “Heavenly Father” or some other incarnation.......what does the mum say about that?
I might scream if she says that she was visited by an angel and her name is Mary.”
I am still waiting for a reply.
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Conversation 1 -
Mother:
Please do not eat too much, otherwise you will put on weight again.
Son:
How could I have strength to do weight-losing exercises if I do not eat enough food?
Conversation 2 –
Mother:
The course you are doing is useful. You should be able to find a good job in future.
Son:
I am like a fly walking on a big piece of glass - The future is bright, but I cannot find a way out.
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One day, in my office , a beautiful young Chinese lady asked me to complete her visa application form. When I asked her " are you single?" "No!" She said, very seriously. Then she taken out a small paper from her wallet and put on my desk. I was perplexed after I checked that paper: it was a train ticket! The beautiful lady said to me loudly:" I am return !"
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“Me: So you said that your brother had purchased a deceased man’s passport in Thailand, inserted his photo into it and used it as his own passport in a visa application. This may cause some issues as he’s submitted a fraudulent document to the Department of Immigration and Border Protection.
Client: My brother didn’t submit a fraudulent document to the Department, he used a real passport that had been validly issued to a real person!”
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UK national calls wanting permanent residence. There were no options for permanent residence available to him. Advised him accordingly.
He says “ But there must be. I love cricket. Isn’t there a visa for sports lovers?”
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In my life as a registered migration agent, I come across many funniest things that my clients have ever said to me. I recall that Mr. M told me that he wanted to sponsor his wife for migration.
Mr. M said, “My wife has no ability of English, has no university degree, and has little savings. So, if I sponsor her for her to get a spouse visa, would the Immigration Department refuse her application?” I laughed and responded, “Who told you that your wife needs to be literate, skilled and rich in order to apply for a spouse visa?”
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During a marketing trip to India few years back, one of the prospective student visa applicant visited me and I did all the counselling , explained him about Australia’s study options about university, colleges and fees. Explained him about the requirements, and finally he asked what all documents should he submit to proceed further.
I started that I need “ PASSPORT COPY AND…..” he interrupted me and asked “WHATS PASSPORT?? AND WHY DOES HE NEED THAT PASSPORT, HE JUST WANTS TO GO TO AUSTRALIA FOR STUDY.”
It was very hard to resist but I managed and dint laugh in front of him. Hope you find this humorous as I did!!!
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I secured a RSMS for a farmer from Zimbabwe. One morning he called me and advised me he had to leave his job because the new owners of the property had changed the name of the farm. It was no longer called “Sunshine Ridge”. After much persuasion my very polite and reserved client informed me the name of the property had been changed to “C**t Park”. (Yes the C bomb). I argued against cancellation of his visa on the grounds of sexual harassment and won. My client now works on a mine with a very nice polite name.
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The following offence recorded on an Australian sponsor’s federal police clearance caused a lovely chuckle around the office:
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In my early days in this profession (in 2004), I instructed my client to complete their medical x-rays. They did not follow the instructions and got a local x-ray (unknown to me). They came back to me and presented me with their x-ray film! Curious, I looked at the film and it was an x-ray of their RIGHT-HAND!!! Not their chest! Asked him why, and he said his wonky hand was the only thing wrong with him LOL.
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A client addressed me as "Mr. Robert." I insisted on "Just Robert, please". In further conversation, he used "Just Robert". He revealed later that he thought "Just" was an abbreviation for Justice of the Peace.
Whilst assisting a Thai client with the form 80 for partner visa application, we were battling through a series of name changes she and her family members had undertaken. It was explained to me that many Thais change their name for prosperity and, considering her family had been through many difficulties, they saw fit to do this often. Coupled to multiple marriages, this saw some having four names. When we came to her youngest brother, she gave just one name. “Really?” I asked. “He is the lucky one”, she explained.
When I was newly registered migration agent, I asked a client "How are you going?" Her puzzled but extremely logical answer was "by bus." I now ask "how are you?"
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One particular client was coming in for various types of visas advice for a while. Then he was bringing his friends for advice and was always sitting there quietly listening to my advice to his mates…
Then in one of the sessions with him, he asked me a question and pulled out a box with a ring!
“Would you marry me, so we could be together? … Or are you married already? (disappointment… sigh… ahhhh!)” The guy was so heartbroken he started to cry…
I am married, indeed! It came as a shock to me, as under no circumstances ever that I showed any interest in anyone, let alone this client, as I am so buried under paperwork, so frazzled on the daily basis being a mother of 3 very busy kids, no holidays for 16 years… goodness, hand in marriage???
Once he left the room – I was rolling in stitches on the ground, literally!… I just killed someone’s dream!
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Once a prospective overseas client, who had not even started the process at all, queried,
Agent -> Well as you are your mothers child, you can apply for a birth cert from the Tongan Births, Deaths and Marriages...
I had a lady client from India whose case was very complex. I told her that getting her application through will be a big operation......Her question was
Will it be a normal or caesarean operation? I nearly died laughing._______________________________________________________
In India at an interview, a potential client once told me in all seriousness:
“The truth is a precious commodity and must be used sparingly”
The matter did not proceed further.
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Client calling my ‘aunty’.
I said to use my name, Joey.
Client continued saying ‘aunty’ (in their culture if you are 10 years older than the person, you become uncle or aunty) as a means of showing respect.
(Not even my nephews and nieces call me aunty!)
I threatened to end the contract (jokingly) if he does not stop calling me ‘aunty’. Has he stopped? No! He now rubs it in “AUNTY Joey”.
I am often spoken of as ‘he/him’ because of my name. Last time I checked, I was female!
Asking me if I can recommend a good agent! LOL! (not so funny at all).
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Client: Thank you XXXXXX, you got me the visa to heaven.
Me: Welcome to convicted world
Client: That’s where I wanted to be as I was misfit for the rest of the world.
Me: Welcome to the club of POME.I had a client that I had planned to get in touch with for a discussion on her GSM options. I didn’t manage to get back to her as planned, as things had become so hectic in the office.
I received a message from her, reminding me that we were going to have a chat. I responded, by apologising and letting her know that I’d been caught up that afternoon.
My client rang back, frantically asking if I was ok. She thought I had been restrained. We had a brief discussion on the meaning of being caught up/tied up with work hahaha.
She was very relieved to hear that someone had not physically tied me down.
Immigration blog
The first client I consulted was from Pakistan and said: I am going to get married and need to apply for a partner visa.
Me: Sure, went through the requirements.
Client: But why do we need all that as it is already too much work for me. I have to live with this woman and I am still a virgin...
I never took the case of course.
I had to control myself for this one:
Client: My partner visa is cancelled.
Me: Lets us go through the decision.
Client: See my partner is much older than me and is a really nice lady.
Me: What was the main issue.
Client: She wanted me in bed when she went to bed.
Me: And...
Client: She wanted me in bed without any clothes at all and be naked for her all the time.
I recently got my client the temporary Contributory Parent Visa. She just rang the other day and asked if she can get some freebies now that she is a temporary resident. Sadly I had to tell her that her son is now preparing to pay the second instalment due in less than two years.